If your baby napped like a champ, you know it’s because you did some things right:
You made sure to carry on with normal household chores! You didn’t lock the dog in the shed, you didn’t silence your phone, and while you were watching Arrested Development episodes you laughed JUST as loudly as you normally would! Because you had this brilliant and cutting-edge plan, it paid off and your baby slept nice 2 hours chunks at nap time, and you got things down around the house! Crock pot meals prepped, hair washed, laundry folded, and you even read a little further in “What to expect the first year”!
Well let me tell you. I was all over that. I became addicted to the Trayvon Martin vs. Zimmerman case on TV and I had that volume up. I had a dog who never stopped barking, and I had family over all the time…talking, eating eggs, playing euchre. A perfect plan for a perfect napper. But it just doesn’t work that way. Some babies’ brains allow them to go from sleep cycle to sleep cycle without waking up. Some aren’t able to do this for many, many months. A baby’s cycle goes anywhere from 20-40 minutes, and then it repeats. If they can’t make it across to the next one, POP! Up they are. And guess what? Your pot going *CLANK* onto the stove at that exact moment isn’t the reason your baby woke up, but it really didn’t fucking help anything either.
Yes, we all find little ways to help things along, but it only works when they are starting to trend that way already. When we forget that nature determines 99% of how our babies are sleeping, and we talk about it, it turns someone into an asshole. Either I’m the asshole for saying “well that’s not why your baby sleeps, dummy, you’re just lucky”, or you’re the asshole because you actually think you caused this good fortune, which implies that I didn’t do my part to make my baby sleep.
I’m sure it’s obvious: I’m just jealous. Catnapping is the pits, and I have only “slept when the baby slept” one time ever in his 22 months of life. So yeah, I want a medal. Make it shiny, and have it read “The mom who never slept and was still the hottest”.
Smug Mommy is an irreverent attachment parenting blog: www.smugmommy.wordpress.com