for this re-run special, we’re doing a special give-away contest. Listen to this episode, then tell us your favorite part about it in a tweet, FB post, blog comment, or email, and you’ll be entered to win an Amazon gift card…oh the mysteries we build for you…
Listen to this : Friendship With Exes
We aren’t the first to tackle this question. It’s only natural that, after breaking up, you may want to continue some kind of relationship with a person who was so recently your biggest support system, confidant, and often closest friend. To go from loving, supporting, and talking every day to a person, to suddenly going radio silent and not-caring at all (as break-up rules seem to demand), is a huge emotional leap that few, if any of us make. Yet, sometimes, that cold, abrupt end to an affair is exactly what is necessary.
There’s a lot of articles written on this, including this one from Oprah.com by Michael Vincent Miller, who so eloquently says,
“Trying to be friends immediately following a breakup tends to prevent the rejected partner (and maybe both partners) from mourning the death of romantic love—from accepting its finality by suffering it all the way through. As painful as this can be, it ultimately performs an essential function. Behind the tears, mourning has silent work to do: It binds up the torn places where love was and gives them a chance to heal.”
Oooof. Okay Michael, good advice…but how do we even manage to do this supposed healing when things feel so raw and ragged? A handy CNN piece by Ami Angelowicz of The Frisky gives us some very clear and simple steps:
1. Do that mourning period
2. Keep it platonic
3. Set clear emotional boundaries
4. Seek out a love life
5. No relationship analysis
6. More than friendly feelings: If you or your ex starts to have more than friendly feelings toward the other, back off and evaluate.
Solid advice…but hard to follow through on. We both agreed we’ve seen friends who falter on all of these counts when going through a break-up. As Maayan puts it, “what surprises me is how many false friendships there are,” between exes who are fooling themselves that their dynamic is purely platonic.
And Maayan is in a place to dish out a little judgement–because she has one of the best track-records out there. Rather than a string of broken hearts, she has a string of ‘once-boyfriends-now-great-platonic-friends’. She says this is due to her almost superhuman impulses to go above and beyond in forging a true friendship with her exes….and yet…is she overcompensating for something? As you’ll hear, some hang-ups around PRIDE (her old friend) may have something to do with it…
Lauren, (with the exception of one fellow) has nothing but a string of exes who she no longer has anything to do with. For better or for worse…
We then bring on Ashley, our guest, who tells us about HER ex–a man she dated for a total of NINE years, lived with, and was starting to shop for engagement rings with…when she discovered a devastating secret that brought the entire relationship to a screeching end. And yet…listen to how Ash deals with the fall-out and how she decided to deal with her ex-almost-fiance. You’ll be dumbfounded.
Lauren has a #RANT: Back in the day for this podcast, Lauren was lamenting her too-short haircut and how crappy it is to finally have to wash your hair after it’s been professionally blown-dry by the stylist. For a few days, one can live in a world of false fabulousness where your hair just looks THAT great. And then…the dream ends with that first shower.
Maayan is #RAVING about her bike…riding it around the streets of NYC has become second-nature to her…but she fears she may be feeling TOO relaxed for her own good. As of today, no bike accidents yet…