Friends. They’re the often overlooked, underplayed ingredient to our recipe for a successful and fulfilling life. But we know better. They make an empty life full and give you shirts of their backs and shoulders to cry on. So…How the heck do you get them? Fear not, Maayan and Lauren have a step-by-step guide to help you navigate this delicate process. We swear we’re not calculating weirdos. Honest.
Listen to this: How To Make Friends
Our dear friend Bridget was in NYC, whom we’ve known for ten years…. which got us to thinking about how we even make friends.
First, to make sure you believe us that friendships are vital, here’s the thought-provoking article Lauren Mentioned from Psych Central, “The Importance of Friendship“.
Once you’ve read that and gotten thoroughly freaked about having fulfilling friendships in your life, go ahead and take a look at our easy-peasy guide to help you get back in the game.
- START with the assumption that they want to be friends
- if YES
- Share ONE thing about yourself that is a little embarrassing/unusual
- Compliment them about something sincerely
- AT THE end, say something like “well it was really nice meeting you!” see how that lands…if they seem open, you can say “would you want to hang out sometime?” with a “this might sound crazy” look on your face
- THIS IS KEY – if they are POLITE about it, just text them after saying it was nice to meet them and let it go/invite them to something where others are. THIS PERSON will probably not become your friend
- If they’re enthusiastic, suggest coffee/drinks before dinner as way of easing into it. Simple and nonthreatening.
- if YES
- If NO , i.e., they don’t seem to want to – DROP IT RIGHT THERE. eventually you can invite them to group things and see if seeing YOU be so awesome will flicker their interest. if it doesn’t, don’t bother…why would you want them as a friend anyway if they don’t see your awesomeness?
- Make sure the meetup happens SOON after 1st encounter. Otherwise, chances get botched and flaky
- LISTEN more than talk
- ACCEPT them for who they are, RIGHT AWAY and keep that CONSISTENT
- If you’re bored, straining, forcing laughter…just make a note of that but I THINK don’t give up. Perhaps let life take over it and if you meet up , great, if not, fine. but stop PUSHING for it.
- -If you like a person, make sure you make it clear to them (in a non creepy way). Eye contact, smiles, listen to what they say.
- -Toss out some tester comments or jokes. The kind that filter the people you want to spend time with vs. those you don’t….could be a movie reference/quote, a mild political statement, or a rave about something you love. See how they respond. They could even disagree, and it could still be fine. It’s all about their humor, tact, and approach.
- -ASK questions about them. People LOVE talking about themselves
After the first encounter–how to take it to the next level:
- -FB friend request–chillest form of contact. This sets the stage for more intimate connections.
- -Organize an event and invite the person, pay mild, friendly attention to them at this event. Discover mutual interests. Keep this in mind for future contacts
- -After second interaction, get their cell#. Now is the time to potentially start texting.
- -Text something friendly and kind–(“so great seeing you at badminton practice, hope you had fun!”)
- -As time goes on text them about mutual interest (tv show, food, whatever, fellow hatred of Gary). This will become the first fiber of your friendship bond.
- Remember to PLAY IT COOL ….no one likes a clinger!
There you have it. Two totally over-thought and calculated guides to getting into that first stage of friendfancy (not a full friendship–but in the wee beginning stages). We can get you there, but the rest just takes personal chemistry between two folks, and just generally not being a dickhole. Be a good listener, don’t bring drama, and have a sense of humor. Really, that’s all you gotta do.
Now go out and get ’em, Tiger.
The weekly Rant Rave Tips from the girls:
Lauren is re-remembering how much she ADORES the 1993 film version of Much Ado About Nothing.