Romanticizer and Geek-in-Residence

This rant will shock no one.  I hate my fucking printer.
I think I’ve hated every printer that I’ve ever owned.  No printer in my life, has functioned dependably.

Which makes me wonder….why?  Why, in 2015, an era in which you can easily chat with someone across the globe–an era in which a manned mission to Mars is literally IN THE WORKS–an era in which face transplants are pulled off successfully–we can still not fucking get the fucking printer to execute its job correctly.

All I want is the little piece of cyber-paper on my computer screen to be transcribed, with ink, onto a piece of real paper. This technology has been around for several decades, folks. Why does it still suck the biggest donkey cock known to man?

Why is my printer still–STILL–printing sheet after sheet of an empty Excel file with some rainbow-colored columns–a ‘job’ I asked it to cancel several times previously?  Why, when I say ‘cancel print job’ it in fact does NOT cancel that print job–but instead does that fucking print job like it is its one, fervent purpose in life. That its dream, as a pimple-faced adolescent printer, was to grow up one day  and do nothing but spit out the same inane Excel spreadsheet, over, and over, and over again till its ink runs out and it spontaneously explodes?

Why, printer?