Maayan

Maayan

High-Waisted Pant Believer and Occasional Sharer


skymallby Maayan

I love flying. So much. Take off, landing, even turbulence sits well with me and makes my insides purr with gentle joy. What I look forward to as well? Perusing the latest issue of SkyMall. For those unfamiliar with SkyMall, it’s a magazine with out-right ballsy claims as to what would be an essential purchase for the everyday consumer.

Hard to believe fact: Apparently over 88% of domestic flyers check it out when they’re bored out of their minds. Considering I didn’t hear anyone else LVOL – laughing very out loud – all the way to the West coast, I’m a bit scared people are actually considering buying the products.

Here are some that fill me with laughter and fear for humanity (you’re welcome):

Key to Maximize Entertainment

  1. You must read the text
  2. You must appreciate the images
  3. My captions are really quite good and should be read LAST.
  4. NC means no comment
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SkyMall Favorite: Dog obsession. Yes, please, I’d like my toast with a burn mark of a dog.

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No. No. Please no. Scarf does not a happy-passport-carrier become.

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Good GRIEF No. No. Please no. Scarf does not a happy-blow-up-pillow become. Just…put…that…away.

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How would this work exactly? I carry these speakers, alright. I then MacGyver my way into using a FUCKING EMPTY STARBUCKS CUP, say, as a boom. Riiiight.

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Oh perfect! Just what I was missing.

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NC baby, NC.

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I need a new dress. Immediately. Let’s see what SkyMall offers. Oh good! A TWILIGHT tunic.

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SkyMall also loves to use the word MASTERS for overly used art.

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For when one never is not enough.

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Good, good God have mercy on this “bag.”

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A direct path to making your home ugly and your pet happy. Stellar priorities.

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For those who can’t bear to put him down…

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No, no, no, no, no. Simply – NO.

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They certainly will from psychos! A most definite NC.

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Ah! I like this one! It’s pretty.

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I mean, really.

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The finishing touches to remove any signs of animal nature from your dog.

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AND! This monstrosity is PORTABLE!

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I GUESS THERE IS!! In the form of a deranged idea backed by SkyMall!

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For when you want to make your backyard really ugly and hairy looking.

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I like this one too. Mosquitoes, tata, so long!

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Someone shoot this woman. Now.

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How much fighting actually happens over outlets?

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Let’s take wine. Because we want to feel elegant..or European…and relaxed. And then INSURE ourselves AGAINST it.

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What the flip does “don’t heat the kitchen” mean exactly?



A cat. Elevated to serenity and slumber. Good God.