Romanticizer and Geek-in-Residence

by Lauren

That’s it.

I’m all set. Like, truly. All. Set.

No more shall I purchase these bullshit plastic bins of organic salad greens from Earthbound Farms or whatever other company peddles this shit.  I swear to God, I purchased one of these containers yesterday. YESTERDAY.  From the store.  Tonight, I wanted to make a Chef’s salad, with the egg and the bacon and avocado and all that good stuff.  I pop open the NEW container of greens…and they are a swampy, slimy mess, redolent with that vague rotting plant matter scent that everyone knows and loves.


Ugh this is the WORST.

I’m not sure how many dollars I have WASTED on bags and containers of salad greens that went slimy too soon.  I mean, it’s thousands, I think.  And it’s a racket. A racket, I tell you.  We all think we’re getting this nice easy-peasy bag of pre-washed greens that you can throw in a bowl instantly without any prep time.  Well, we’re getting screwed.

It’s time to grow a pair and just buy HEADS of LETTUCE that require disassembling and washing and whatever. Because at least those bitches keep for longer than hummingbird’s hard-on (I made that saying up but I think it works).

Sorry for the vulgarity.  I’m really pissed about tonight’s ruined salad plans.