WE’RE BACK! It’s been a relaxing break, but we’re excited to delve back into our Pillowtok conversations…we hope you are too. This week is all about one of our biggest addictions–people-pleasing. Maybe you’re familiar? That drive to make sure everyone you interact with likes you? Well, we’re here to tell you to cut it out. Sort of. Listen for Maayan and Lauren’s most severe people-pleasing moments, and ways all of us can cool our jets and regain some control.
Listen to This: The Perils of People Pleasing
First off, some factoid goodness for you: Lauren discusses a pretty spot-on article from Psych Central, which has some pretty astute observations about people-pleasing, such as this:
They put everyone else before themselves… For some, saying “yes” is a habit; for others, It’s almost an addiction that makes them feel like they need to be needed. This makes them feel important and like they’re “contributing to someone else’s life.
Shit. This rings dangerously true for us.
The article then doles out some mostly useful tips on how to reign in your people-pleasing addiction:
- Realize you have a choice.
- Set your priorities.
- Set a time limit.
- Consider if you’re being manipulated.
- Create a mantra. (We found this one a bit suspect).
- Use an empathic assertion. (Lauren was confused about what this one meant–and Maayan took a guess. She was spot on: “Using an empathic assertion “means that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes as you assert yourself,” Tillman said. So you let the person know that you understand where they’re coming from, but unfortunately, you can’t help. “People need to feel heard and understood,” and this is a respectful way of asserting yourself and saying no.”)
- Consider if it’s worth it.
- Don’t give a litany of excuses.
We both thought about cases where our people-pleasing went too far–Maayan feels that the club scene causes her to sacrifice her sleep and health just so she can say ‘yes’ to people asking her to come out for the night. Lauren feels exhausted after a social event where she tried hard to be likeable and inquisitive without feeling it adequately reflected back…In both cases, it’s on US, not the other people, to restore balance to the situation. Still, that’s the pitfall of people-pleasing…you ‘give and give’ and begin to resent that others don’t turn around to give right back…
At any rate, even if Lauren doesn’t feel appreciated to the delusional extent that she wants to, at least her HAIR LOOKED DAMN GOOD while recording this podcast. Can anyone guess why? Email us with your best guess. Winner gets a $25 Amazon Gift Card. Yeah!
Finally, our Rant Rave Tips:
Maayan has a TIP: Cheap and easy root touch-up at home. Seriously. Her dyed blond hair is looking great, thanks to her clever method of keeping her roots properly maintained.